Dr. Tom Garcia

Come to the fire

deep listening

Setting Boundaries: On Being Unfuc*withable

Many years ago I encountered a boundary issue with a friend. The experience was upsetting to both of us and while it did not permanently damage our friendship, it was big enough that it got my attention. 

Naturally, I blamed him for failing to recognize my boundaries and my response seemed disproportionate to the circumstances. We both felt betrayed. 

After dissecting in my own mind what happened, and feeling righteously upset, it dawned on me that my sense of betrayal was one of self betrayal. I had failed to honor my own boundaries because I didn’t know what they were.

It was a revelation that left me euphoric because I knew the root of the problem lay with me and that to know and honor my boundaries was my responsibility, not anyone else’s.

I found a short length of barbed wire and kept it on my altar where I could see it everyday as a reminder, until one day I no longer needed a piece of barbed wire to remind me of my own boundaries.

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Deepen and Strengthen Your Connection

When we lose someone close to us, we have an opportunity to reexamine our beliefs, ideas, and constructs around death–and life. Our approach to death says something about our  approach to life.

Death gives us an opportunity to look deeply into life, to question what we value, and what we need to let go of to live fully. 

There are several questions that come alive at the fire:

Who are you? Do you know who you are?

Why are you here–for what purpose?

Who sent you? Do you know–really know–Who sent you?

Why Am I Here on Earth?

Deepen and Strengthen Your Connection

At this point in my life, I’ve lost both parents, aunts and uncles, several cousins, and many dear friends. Each passing gives me pause to consider my own existence–always a sobering self assessment.

In the fall many years ago, I made a fire and stayed out all night after a close friend had passed away. Everything I believed about life and death had been turned upside down and my life felt like it was unraveling. I was experiencing a sense of profound loss and something else–a burning desire. 

Beside the fire I stood cold and alone with hot tears in my eyes. 

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Spiritual Inner Voice

spiritual inner voice concept Dr. Tom Garcia preparing fire for fire ceremony in Colorado
Dr. Tom Garcia prepares a fire ceremony to help others listen to their spiritual inner voice

Listen For the Spiritual Inner Voice That Whispers Your Name

How often have you been too proud to ask for help because you couldn’t admit to yourself that you needed it?

Or you were unwilling to open yourself to another for fear they could not hold your tender heart?

Or you stoically hid the pain of what you judged as failure, ashamed to acknowledge or even talk about it?

How many times along the way have you buried the memory of fear and shame, hoping to never see them again? How many times?

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